Published: St. Louis Louis Post-Dispatch, 8/28/92.
As the politicians push the snake oil of ''family values'' onto a gullible public, the Woody Allen-Mia Farrow custody battle offers a break from their endless mumbo jumbo. This week, with Allen's face decorating the covers of both Time and Newsweek, family values New York-style will be the big seller.
It's a story that is certain to entertain the masses. Movie buffs will appreciate the chance to discover something about not one, but two normally reclusive actors. They can peruse the press for such interesting tidbits as the fact that in all the years he knew her, Allen never slept in Farrow's apartment. They will savor the chance to study candid photos of the actors in happier times. Were they acting then? Are they acting now?
For courtroom buffs, the spectacle offers yet another opportunity to weigh the credibility of two seemingly honest people, who both tell stories that are inherently unbelievable. Sound familiar? Courtroom buffs will also get the opportunity to relish the undying chutzpah of Alan Dershowitz, who as Farrow's attorney has been able to attach himself to yet another celebrity brouhaha.
Corporate executives who have a secret taste for yellow journalism, yet are bashful about revealing this weakness to the supermarket checker as they purchase their Enquirer, now have a more appropriate means of satisfying their interest in the perverse. As the national newsweeklies cover the Allen-Farrow scandal, these CEOs and chairmen of the board can inconspicuously snatch the latest revealing details from that little table in their corporate lobbies. Then it's back to business as usual, office doors closed, feet on desks.
Still at the workplace, the advertising types will also find the story of interest. Who would have thought that the shy and humble Woody Allen would be caught up in such a mess? Allen has instantly jettisoned the boring persona of his past for something a hundred times more blatantly commercial. No longer Woody Allen, harmless comic, representative everyman, it's now Allen, bad boy of motion pictures, the Axl Rose of arts and letters.
For the cynics, we have the spectacle of Allen cleverly allowing the messy scandal to escalate just as he prepares to open a new movie. After discussing the matter with fellow cynics, they may dismiss the scandal as a stunt, but not without the opportunity for some good conversation. And the fashion-conscious will be able to study the endless shots of Allen leaving his apartment dressed in what I suppose must be the latest New York craze, the rumpled, dumpy look. Where did he get that hat?
For all Midwesterners, the Allen-Farrow mess offers a grand opportunity to ponder the mysteries of the East Coast. When such messy scandals occur in our neck of the woods, we make attempts to keep them to ourselves. In New York, one is required to call a news conference. And as the revealing stories then unfold during the journalistic give and take, a viewer back in the Midwest can't help but wonder at the lifestyles of these baffling New Yorkers, who hail from the same region that has given us Leona Helmsley, John Gotti and Donald Trump. How do they produce such people-page All Stars month after month?
No matter what your angle, however, you have to agree that the Allen-Farrow scandal is especially good news for two unlikely fellows - that is, George Bush and Bill Clinton. With such titillating terms as incest, abuse and nude photos being bandied about daily, the story will certainly draw attention from their own alleged moral failings.
Which leads to another interesting point. In light of the Allen-Farrow scandal, one can hope that the politicians will take the opportunity to dump their snake oil of family values. As the scandal unfolds, we will be exorcised of our collective guilt about the moral state of our nation. Compared to Allen and Farrow, we are a nation of choirboys. So pat yourself on the back. With next week's Time and Newsweek, we can move onto the real issues that confront our country.
Thank those crazy New Yorkers.
As the politicians push the snake oil of ''family values'' onto a gullible public, the Woody Allen-Mia Farrow custody battle offers a break from their endless mumbo jumbo. This week, with Allen's face decorating the covers of both Time and Newsweek, family values New York-style will be the big seller.
It's a story that is certain to entertain the masses. Movie buffs will appreciate the chance to discover something about not one, but two normally reclusive actors. They can peruse the press for such interesting tidbits as the fact that in all the years he knew her, Allen never slept in Farrow's apartment. They will savor the chance to study candid photos of the actors in happier times. Were they acting then? Are they acting now?
For courtroom buffs, the spectacle offers yet another opportunity to weigh the credibility of two seemingly honest people, who both tell stories that are inherently unbelievable. Sound familiar? Courtroom buffs will also get the opportunity to relish the undying chutzpah of Alan Dershowitz, who as Farrow's attorney has been able to attach himself to yet another celebrity brouhaha.
Corporate executives who have a secret taste for yellow journalism, yet are bashful about revealing this weakness to the supermarket checker as they purchase their Enquirer, now have a more appropriate means of satisfying their interest in the perverse. As the national newsweeklies cover the Allen-Farrow scandal, these CEOs and chairmen of the board can inconspicuously snatch the latest revealing details from that little table in their corporate lobbies. Then it's back to business as usual, office doors closed, feet on desks.
Still at the workplace, the advertising types will also find the story of interest. Who would have thought that the shy and humble Woody Allen would be caught up in such a mess? Allen has instantly jettisoned the boring persona of his past for something a hundred times more blatantly commercial. No longer Woody Allen, harmless comic, representative everyman, it's now Allen, bad boy of motion pictures, the Axl Rose of arts and letters.
For the cynics, we have the spectacle of Allen cleverly allowing the messy scandal to escalate just as he prepares to open a new movie. After discussing the matter with fellow cynics, they may dismiss the scandal as a stunt, but not without the opportunity for some good conversation. And the fashion-conscious will be able to study the endless shots of Allen leaving his apartment dressed in what I suppose must be the latest New York craze, the rumpled, dumpy look. Where did he get that hat?
For all Midwesterners, the Allen-Farrow mess offers a grand opportunity to ponder the mysteries of the East Coast. When such messy scandals occur in our neck of the woods, we make attempts to keep them to ourselves. In New York, one is required to call a news conference. And as the revealing stories then unfold during the journalistic give and take, a viewer back in the Midwest can't help but wonder at the lifestyles of these baffling New Yorkers, who hail from the same region that has given us Leona Helmsley, John Gotti and Donald Trump. How do they produce such people-page All Stars month after month?
No matter what your angle, however, you have to agree that the Allen-Farrow scandal is especially good news for two unlikely fellows - that is, George Bush and Bill Clinton. With such titillating terms as incest, abuse and nude photos being bandied about daily, the story will certainly draw attention from their own alleged moral failings.
Which leads to another interesting point. In light of the Allen-Farrow scandal, one can hope that the politicians will take the opportunity to dump their snake oil of family values. As the scandal unfolds, we will be exorcised of our collective guilt about the moral state of our nation. Compared to Allen and Farrow, we are a nation of choirboys. So pat yourself on the back. With next week's Time and Newsweek, we can move onto the real issues that confront our country.
Thank those crazy New Yorkers.